Hi, teenage me.
I know that right now things are hard for you, really hard. At least, they feel really hard, but you can’t quite be sure that they actually are, because tons of people around the world are in situations that are so much worse. You’re worried that your problems pale in comparison to those of the rest of the global population. You know that you have a warm place to sleep, and you talk to the people around you. There are 2 families that try to provide a good life for you, and you’ve never had to worry about poverty or your safety. Shouldn’t that be good enough?
But still, you feel like everything would be so much better off without you. You feel like you don’t bring any value to the world, or to any of the people in your life. It constantly seems like you can’t do anything right, and like you’re always making everyone upset or angry.
I know that your self-worth is so low, that you think you have to put up with anything that guy will put you through. He has you convinced that you aren’t good enough to be loved. If he doesn’t love you, who else will? So you take whatever he dishes. Hoping that maybe if you treat him like a king, he’ll want to treat you even better. You’re desperate for him, or anyone really, to see the pain that you’re hiding and make it all go away. You can’t understand why you’re willing to give him everything you have, your heart and soul, and he doesn’t seem to value that. So slowly, you start to believe that what you’re trying to give isn’t good enough, for him or for anyone.
You let him say those things that break you inside because you think it’s better than being alone. You’re scared of saying anything to stick up for yourself or communicate how you’re feeling. Maybe you’re scared of this in all of your relationships with your friends, family, or boyfriend. Because without him – or any of those other guys – you feel like you’d be left with absolutely no one else. Then you would be alone.
I know that you’re terrified of being alone, even for a moment. When you are alone is when you feel at your lowest. Those feelings of not being good enough and being unlovable by anybody at all, become overwhelming. You lash out which in turn feels like you’re always pissing people off, and messing up. Bad decisions are made knowing full well what consequences they hold, and then you tell yourself how stupid you are because you knew better in the first place.
I know that you think if you stop eating, it’ll hurt more than the emotional pain you’re feeling at the time. Eventually, you start running out of excuses for why you look so thin, or why your clothes are looking baggy lately. You get embarrassed because every time someone asks, you don’t have the courage to tell them the truth. For some reason, you can’t work up the nerve to tell someone all of the terrible things that you’re thinking of yourself, and the awful ways you’re choosing to deal with it. You feel like you aren’t good enough, and that if you tell someone about everything that’s going on in your mind, they will tell you that your problems really aren’t that bad, that you’re just being dramatic.
Here’s what I wish you could have known back then:
You are more than good enough…
You are a unique soul. No one in this universe will ever experience life – your thoughts & feelings – in the exact same way that you will. You have every right to feel and own all of the emotions that you have. There are definitely people in the world facing bigger problems than yours. That doesn’t mean that you aren’t allowed to feel scared or angry or overwhelmed by the problems you’re facing. When you’re feeling insignificant or worthless, I promise that you are neither of those things. Your life and experiences are important in unimaginable ways. Everything that you go through is going to shape the person that you become, and that is more than good enough. That is incredible.
You are so strong. To make it through all of this, will make you a force to be reckoned with. You won’t come out of this time in your life unscathed, but you will make it out alive, and that is an impressive feat. Yes, you’ve made mistakes, and you will make countless more throughout your lifetime. What’s more important is that you realize that any mistake made isn’t the end of the world. It’s a chance to grow. You will always make it through to the other side and when you realize that, it will make you even stronger.
Being lonely is hard, but it isn’t worth feeling worthless. You deserve so much better than people who make you feel like you aren’t good enough for anything. Anyone who makes you feel like that isn’t worth your time. Those kinds of people don’t deserve any part of the bright light that you are. You can – and will – find so much better than the guy who convinced you that no other person would want to love you. You will find someone who will fill your heart with happiness. He will teach you tons of new things about both yourself and life in general. He will definitely think that you are so much more than good enough.
If you are feeling lonely, or you’re scared of ending toxic relationships because you don’t want to be alone, put yourself out there. Cut those people loose, and make some new friends. It can be hard to talk to people or to try and forge new friendships, but the end result is worth it. It might not end in friendship 100% of the time, but you won’t know if you don’t try. Don’t be so concerned with what that person might think of you, and just invite them to hang out. You will be pleasantly surprised more often than not.
Plus, there are already so many people in this world who love you and care about your well-being. They don’t care if you think that your problems seem insignificant or stupid. What they care about is that you love yourself as much as they do. They care about you letting them in to help, so you will see how great you really are. They will always think that you are inspiring and amazing, rather than just good enough.
You need to stop putting other peoples feelings so far ahead of your own. It’s okay to put yourself first sometimes, and to make sure that you are taken care of. Ensuring that your health (mental or physical) is where it needs to be doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you better. You will learn to fight for what makes you the happiest. It is so important that you never give up on yourself, and what you need.
You can’t rely on other people to lift you up and make you happy. The only person that you should depend on for your happiness is you. The cheesy saying, “You can’t love another, if you don’t love yourself” is true, and it goes both ways. You can’t expect someone else to constantly love you and see your worth, if you won’t even do those things for yourself. Never erase who you are, because of someone else. Always make time for the things you love in life, and your experiences will be so much happier.
Life won’t stop being hard. There are times when it’s so good, but there are also times where you’ll be stressed out and you’ll start to feel like you aren’t good enough again. When this happens, all you need to do is remember that you are so loved, even if it might not feel like it. You have to be honest with yourself, and others, in times when you need help. When life feels overwhelming, or if you feel like you’re drowning and you can’t reach the surface, tell somebody. Don’t be afraid to reach out your hand so that somebody can pull you back up.
Last but not least, don’t let fear rule any aspect of your life. Always try new things at every possible opportunity. Because later on, you will 100% regret if you don’t. Never turn down thrilling adventures or dreamy memories. Tune out fear, trust your instincts, and follow your heart when you can. Your life will be so much more fulfilling if you do.